


With Your Back To The Wall, You've Got One Place To Fall

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [288]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24185650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: Following the aftermath of his drunken talk with Blaine, Adam takes refuge at Jesse's to protect himself from what he could do if he remains at the base in such a state. The problem is he's gonna do something regrettable at Jesse's too.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Leoverse [288]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/30541





	With Your Back To The Wall, You've Got One Place To Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Beerboarding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245981) by [lisachan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan). 



> **WARNING:** This story is an **AU** from the original 'verse. What happens in here has little to none correlation with what happens in Leonard Karofsky-Hummel VS The world or Broken Heart Syndrome. The characters involved are (mostly) the same, but situations and relationships between them may be completely different.
> 
> I'm being uncharacteristically coherent and consistent with this, huh?
> 
> This story participates to [Chapter 0.III](https://www.landedifandom.net/explorers-chapter-0-parte-3/) of the [Explorers](https://www.landedifandom.net/sezione/explorers/) challenge @ [landedifandom.net](https://www.landedifandom.net/). Prompts were: the story had to be NSFW, porny and an AU. Plus, inspiration had to come from Dua Lipa's [Break My Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO8hClIprE8), and the story had to have a male main character. Check, check, check, check and fucking CHECK.

_I would've stayed at home, 'cause I was doin' better alone  
_ _But when you said, "Hello", I knew that was the end of it all_  
_I should've stayed at home, 'cause now there ain't no letting you go  
_ _Am I falling in love with the one that could break my heart?_

Jesse walks back into his bedroom only when he’s sure the guy standing out in the street watching his building has gone. He saw him call someone over the phone briefly some twenty minutes ago, then he nodded a few times, he zipped up his hoodie and left, walking slowly away. He feels relieved at the idea that he isn’t staring at his place anymore, but at the same time he knows his life from now on will never be the same again. Now maybe they still don’t know who he is – and he must make all possible efforts to make sure they never do – but they definitely know where he lives, and he’ll have to live with that for the rest of his days – at least until they manage to bring the whole Anderson operation down.

If they ever do.

He enters the room sighing deeply. It was stupid of Adam to come here, and completely uncharacteristic of him, but at the same time it’s something that speaks volumes about his current state of mind. Jesse knew already, last time he saw him at that restaurant, that there was something wrong with the way he was thinking. Adam’s been undercover a few times already, sure, with different tasks, in sometimes safer operations, but Jesse didn’t expect him to fall into the rabbit hole so quickly, this time. And yet he knew – when they spoke about what he was doing, and about Anderson, and the Karofsky-Hummel son, and that damn boy they fed him, Cody Whatever – that this was taking a turn towards the uncontrollable.

Well, here they are, now. Out of control.

Adam seems to be asleep, which is a blessing. He has no idea how to face him, comes tomorrow morning. He’ll probably remember only half of what happened today, and it’ll be hard to get him up to speed with that already – let alone confessing he had to contact captain Vanderbilt to try and figure this shit out. He has kept from her all that he possibly could in order not to get Adam into deeper shit than he already was in, but comes tomorrow morning the captain will want to know everything in details, and they’ll have to give her those details, and what happens after that – Jesse has no idea about it. He’ll have to come up with something, but he can’t make his brain cells operate properly right now.

With a pained groan – he’s got a splitting headache and he has no idea if he’ll be able to catch even a single minute of sleep for whatever’s left of the night – he climbs on the bed. Adam’s sleeping so deeply he doesn’t even notice – he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t turn on the side, doesn’t even show any sign of being alive except for his chest going slowly up and slowly down with each breath he takes.

Jesse knows it’d be wiser to sleep on the couch. But he curls up by his side and closes his eyes.

*

He dreams about Alan, of course.

It’s been happening less in the last couple years, but he comes back hard whenever he’s nervous, stressed or under duress. Jesse likes to think he might feel his mental stability’s in danger, from wherever he is, and he comes back to protect him, to make him feel better.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it makes things worse. Jesse wouldn’t want to give it up anyway, even if it never worked at all.

His man’s sitting behind his desk in his office at the bureau, his laptop open, his eyes locked onto the LCD screen, reading some case files, getting ready for his next undercover mission. Jesse walks in, he’s furious. Captain Vanderbilt just told him he won’t be supporting him from the outside this time, and he can’t understand why. The woman was a tomb.

While Jesse paces the room, barking like a rabid dog, Alan pulls the laptop lid down and looks at him. “I requested it,” he says. Jesse stops halfway through a step to look at him with eyes filled with resentment and a sense of treachery that he feels burning through his heart even though it’s just a dream. 

“Why would you?” he asks in utter disbelief, “Don’t we work well together?”

“We do.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“Then why don’t you want me to handle you?!”

“Because,” Alan stands up, his massive figure casting a long shadow on the floor. As though he was forced to focus on that, Jesse stops looking at him and looks only at the shadow for the rest of the dream. “I don’t want you to have me on your conscience.”

“What does that mean?” Jesse whispers in a panic, “You’re not gonna die.”

“I am gonna die,” Alan insists, his voice sweet and, at the same time, cruelly stern, “That’s our job, kitten. We risk it all and then we die, and we’re lucky if we do some good in between these two things.”

“No,” Jesse shakes his head, “You’re not gonna die. Not if I handle you.”

“Who will handle me is irrelevant,” Alan insists, his voice turning a little sweeter, “No matter who protects us from the outside, death comes from the inside. It will come for me. And it will come for him.”

And Jesse doesn’t wanna hear that. He’s read somewhere that to interrupt a dream you just have to close your eyes shut, and he does. But the dream doesn’t finish. He just finds himself into black nothingness, and he stares into it, feeling desperately alone.

But Alan’s voice keeps echoing around him. _Death will come for him. As it came for me._

*

Can’t be later than a couple hours after that, that he wakes up again, feeling something he hasn’t felt in quite a long time.

Someone’s hands on him.

His heart starts beating faster, even if he’s still confused and his brain is working slower than it should. He turns to the side and sees Adam close – too close, actually. He’s awake, even though his eyes are unfocused and so dark it’s impossible to read them. “Adam,” Jesse gasps, trying to keep his hands at bay, above his clothes, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” Adam presses a kiss right underneath his ear, and then suckles on his earlobe, making Jesse shiver in a forgotten way. “I just woke up and I feel like I’m burning up.”

“You _are_ burning up,” Jesse tilts his head, trying to get away from those incandescent lips, “What is it—you have a fever?”

“I don’t know,” Adam can’t be stopped, every time Jesse pushes him away he comes back at him, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him closer. He’s hard, Jesse can feel his erection through his pants, and he’s moving like a desperate man, like someone who isn’t in control of his actions.

“They drugged you…” Jesse groans, slipping away from Adam’s arms and kneeling up, pushing him down against the mattress with both hands, “Crazy assholes. Why would they fucking give you a sex drug, in addition to drink you stupid?”

Adam raises a shaky hand and presses it hard against his own eyes. His lips are quivering and he can scarcely lie still on the bed. He wouldn’t, actually, if Jesse’s hands weren’t still keeping him down. “I knew it,” he whispers, “He wanted to send me Cody again tonight. He knows. He knows for sure. He wanted Cody to make me talk. I’m sure of it. I’m fucked.”

Jesse sits down next to him, sighing deeply. If Adam’s terrified now, he doesn’t wanna think about what he’ll be when he tells him that one of Anderson’s guys actually followed him all the way here. “Walker, I need you to calm the fuck down,” he says, lying down close to him and passing his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him, “We’ll come up with something. But you need to be able to think clearly for this to work, ‘cause you’ll have to go back there and play your part, or it’ll be a fucking mess. Unless you want me to extract you now – that’s always an option.”

“No,” Adam shakes his head, “I told you, not before—”

“Yeah, not before you saved the princess of the whores,” he groans, looking away, “Got it. Then you’ll have to go back. So now I need you to calm down and get back to sleep. You’ll sleep this off and you won’t even remember it comes the morning.”

“Jess…” Adam lets out a painful whine, his hand landing hard upon his own crotch. The movement feels unconscious, as though Adam wasn’t even aware of touching himself. He just starts rubbing himself through his pants, palming himself hard, trying to get a relief that won’t come. “I’m freaking out here.”

“I can see that…” Jesse sighs again, placing a hand on Adam’s hand and trying to remove it, “Adam, you won’t solve anything like this. You’ve been drugged and your body’s going through some shit it can’t make sense of. Peace won’t come if you rub one out, you’ve gotta sweat this out like with all drugs.”

“That’s… that’s not true,” Adam shakes his head and turns to look at him. His eyes are glistening dangerously and Jesse shouldn’t be looking at him right now. This is getting far too complicated for him to handle it like he’s supposed to. “The drug they gave me when they made me fuck Cody— its effect disappeared after we had sex. I think this is the same. You’re right, I need to get it out of my system, just not by waiting.”

Jesse tenses slightly, looking down at him. “You mean…”

Adam groans and sits up slowly. He’s shaking all over and he’s so obviously weakened and confused by the drug and the alcohol that Jesse feels his heart shrink to the size of a nut by just looking at him.

It never happened to him to see someone in such conditions. Alan never ended up like that – or he made sure Jesse wasn’t around to witness it, anyway.

“I’ll be quick,” Adam speaks softly, embarrassment vibrating in his voice, “Where’s— where’s the toilet?”

“No,” the word spills out of his mouth before Jesse can realize it and make sense of it. He doesn’t want Adam to go through this shit by himself. He just doesn’t. “Stay… stay here. I don’t trust you alone in the toilet.”

“Jess, I know how to jerk off.”

“I don’t doubt it, but you’re weak and you can barely sit on your ass. If you slip and hit your head you’ll kill yourself.”

“Fuck, Jess, don’t be so dramatic.”

“Only if you stop being an idiot.” Jesse presses a hand right in the middle of his chest, pushing him back down on the bed. “Lie down. Let me…” he swallows, “Let me take care of you.”

Adam freezes for a second, and turns to look at him, slowly, very slowly. He’s got liquid eyes glistening with excitement despite the darkness the room is plunged in, and Jesse finds himself biting at him bottom lip while a strange, long-forgotten tickling sensation starts crawling up his spine. Adam’s eyes move down, focus on his lips, and Jesse sees him swallow hard when he stops biting at them to lick them quickly.

“Jess,” Adam’s voice is shaky, unstable, like they both are right now, “You don’t have to do this.”

“I’ve never done anything just because I _had_ to.”

“You mean you want to?”

He wasn’t expecting such a question – not in such a direct way, anyway. It takes him off guard. He wasn’t counting on Adam to hold on to rational thought so stubbornly. 

He groans, looking away. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it does.” Once again, Adam’s voice comes across as firm, clear, deeply grounded into reason’s sturdy ground. “Jess,” he says, “Look at me.”

Jesse unwillingly turns back towards him. “Why won’t you let me help you? Make it easy on us both. Just lie down and I’ll take care of it.”

Adam doesn’t answer right away. He remains silent and looks at him for what feels like forever, and then he raises a shaky hand and rubs his thumb against Jesse’s cheekbone.

That’s a softer and sweetest touch that Jesse’s felt in quite a while, and something in his core crumbles at the feeling. He looks up at Adam and leans into his touch, ever so lightly. Adam’s skin is burning up and his eyes are hungry like a wolf’s, and Jesse’s forced to ask himself – do I really wanna help you, or am I just taking advantage of him?

“If you want me,” Adam says, his voice deep and husky and rough in ways that make Jesse want to crawl out of his clothes, “Just tell me.”

But it’d take too much to say it. It’s one thing to feel something, to have an itch to scratch in the depth of the night with someone who might even forget all about it tomorrow. It’s another thing to admit he thinks about it, that he’s been thinking about it for months, that working close with him awakened feelings and needs Jesse thought he had buried and he would keep buried for the rest of his life.

He refuses to say it. It’s too soon, and he lives in constant fear that Alan would know – that he would never forgive him. That he’d think he’s replaced him – which he could never.

So, instead of speaking, he just leans in and catches Adam’s lips with his own, kissing him hard. Adam moans and melts against him, his weak defenses collapsing altogether when their skins touch. He was putting up his usual gentlemanly mask, despite the drugs and alcohol in his system, but he was like a thin layer of glass – apparently solid, already breaking underneath. Jesse just needed to push.

Adam wraps his arms around him and brings him down with himself, pushing him against the mattress, diving in his mouth. Tongue and teeth – a choreography Jesse never forgot how to dance. He parts his legs and thrusts his hips up, they met with Adam’s and he grinds down heavily against him, groaning in frustration when clothes make their rubbing way less intense than he was hoping it’d be.

“Wait,” Jesse whispers against his lips, reaching down, “Let me.”

Adam doesn’t even think about protesting. He allows his hand between their bodies and he tries to restrain himself long enough as Jesse needs to unbutton and unzip his pants. Then he groans, rubbing his face against Jesse’s. “Jesus fuck, touch me, please.”

Jesse can’t help but let out a small smile, slipping his hand past the waistband of Adam’s pants, despite the little but fastidious pain he feels when, in the motion, the back of his hand scratches against the half opened zipper. “You’re not so hell-bent on letting me admit shit before I touch you anymore,” he jokes.

Adam growls and moves against his hand, his throbbing, hard rock erection begging to be jerked off. “No point in trying to squeeze blood from stones,” he groans against his cheek, just before covering it in bites and kisses, “I can’t force you to give me something you don’t wanna give me.”

“You don’t want it from me.”

“Don’t assume.”

“You’ve got your princess of the whores for that,” Jesse insists, shaking his head while his fingers close slowly around Adam’s erection, pumping it, “That’s what you want.”

“You mean something to me,” Adam shakes his head, but he starts thrusting in his fist right away. Jesse feels his cock swelling and hardening, rushes of blood making his skin hotter, prompted by desire pumping in his veins, “You’re important.”

“I’m sure. I’m just not the most important.”

“Do you need to be?” Adam groans again, annoyed, thrusting harder in his hand, against him, on top of him, holding him closer, clutching his shaky fists around his hips to keep him in place as he tries to find his way between his thighs, despite Jesse stubbornly refusing him permission to just dry hump him like he’d want to.

“That’s who I was,” Jesse finally answers, pressing his nose against Adam’s cheek, kissing him tenderly at the corner of his mouth, his lips speaking of a gentleness that his rough fingers, still tightly wrapped around Adam’s dick, have completely forgotten, “Why should I settle for anything less?”

Adam grunts and his muscles tense all at once as he clings to Jesse, riding the sudden wave of his orgasm and releasing himself against his palm and between his fingers. He moans and then gasps and then collapses against him, breathing heavily, his hands letting him go for a second, only to hold him even tighter right after that. “I wanted to have sex with you,” he mutters confusedly, pressing his face against Jesse’s, “I would’ve, if you had let me.”

“You’re drunk and high,” Jesse sighs, passing his fingers through his blonde locks, “I was just convenient.”

“Half a city away.”

“You felt safer here.”

“I came here because I was fucked up and all I could think of was you,” Adam insists. He’s convinced about it, he won’t hear anything contrary to that.

Jesse smiles a little, hugging him around his head, which is heavy, tired, like the rest of his body, and weighs heavily on him. “Comes tomorrow morning you’ll regret telling me all this,” he whispers softly, “Given you’ll remember anything at all.”

“I won’t forget,” Adam says, shaking his head, “I won’t forget.”

Jesse chuckles and kisses him on his forehead. It feels nice to hear such words, even though he knows they mean nothing. And he also knows it’s stupid to lean into them, to find solace in them, to find even the littlest bit of sparkling joy coming from them. Falling in love with Adam would be suicide, now. And he almost died this death already.

Adam won’t forget? Well, he can’t either. The wound of Alan’s death is too fresh. It’ll never be mended. Time won’t work its magic on it, and neither will distance. He’s not about to run after the only thing in his life that would shatter his already broken heart.

“We’ll see about it,” he finally says, “Now, sleep.”

And his words work like a charm.


End file.
